THE "walk of shame"

The walk of shame. Every experimental college co-ed has done it. Every tentative tight-wad has endeavored it. In college, the walk of shame is virtually a right of passage. It is a symbol of a student’s courage and audacity. It’s the reason a lot of males go to college. It is the reason a lot of fathers spurn their daughters going off to school. The walk of shame brings a moment of shame and humility; while at the same time, it can be a testament to one’s pride and self-gratification.

A one night stand turns into an embarrassing morning. You wake up confused, next to (basically) a complete stranger, usually hung-over and wondering how you will get home. You don't want to talk to the guy or girl sleeping next to you because... well... you might be afraid of who they are or what they look like. Therefore, you walk back from their apartment to your apartment, in the clothes from the night before- your hair's a mess and everyone knows where (or should I say what) you were coming from.

Why is it always sex...

Party, drinks, party, drinks, party....sex?? That seems to be the way things happen these days in the world of college dating. Single girls wonder why they can't meet a guy out at a party or a local college bar without him hinting that he'd like to take her home-- on the first night! Some guys think they're being sincerely honest by telling a girl she's attractive and he'd like to bring her home with him. You gotta give those guys credit for being so blunt, but these aren't the men looking for a committed relationship. But then again, the girls who go home with them aren't obviously looking for one either. Ladies, don't act so innocent.

Let's be honest... the majority of college students, both girls and boys, get drunk and go out to the bar in hopes to meet someone to take home with them. It's like a nightly cycle: Get drunk with your friends and go out to a bar or party with the goal of bringing someone home and having that awkward conversation in the morning. While you embark on the infamous "walk of shame" (or if you're lucky the "drive of shame") after the drunken hook-up, you wonder if you will ever talk to that person ever again... and do you ever talk to those people again? What do you guys think??

Sex on the first date

This past weekend, one of my roommates went out on a date with a guy for the first time. She met him recently and hung out with him a couple of times. Never an official date, but they have hung out before. The date went really well, so she decided to bring him back to our apartment and they ended up sleeping together. The problem is, she really likes him, so now she's afraid she's screwed things up by sleeping with him on the first date.

Her dilemma was brought to my attention, and then I realized that this is a common question for almost every girl even if they end up sleeping with someone on the first date or not. Is it really that bad to sleep with someone on the first date?

This depends on both the girl and the guy. Some girls are comfortable with it, some girls aren't. Some guys will think a girl is easy if they sleep with them immediately, some guys won't. I don't think it's necessarily bad, but if you’re going to make some intentional decisions to get off on the right foot, then sleeping with someone on the first date isn’t one of them. Yes, even if the chemistry is that good. Flaubert (old French author) believed that anticipation is the purest form of pleasure – and the most reliable.

In the final chapter of the Sentimental Education, Flaubert writes about two old friends sitting around remembering the best thing that never happened to them. Flaubert said the things that happen to you invariably disappoint, the things that never happen would never dim, never fade. We’ll always remember them fondly.

So, put off the sex as long as you want. Not only will the anticipation make the other person want you that much more, but it will be a form of pleasure all it’s own.

First date jitters

First dates are always toughies. You spend hours persuing your closet for the perfect first date ensemble only to come to the realization that you don't like anything you've tried on and must therefore spend another few hours perusing the mall. Just when you think deciding on an outfit is stressful, once the date night actually arrives, it's time to start worrying about the other aspects of the evening: what will you talk about, will it be awkward, deciding on a goodnight kiss or maybe even a good-morning kiss...depending on how good the date is. Being nervous on a date is normal, but it's how to overcome those first date nerves that everyone wants to know.

Here are some ways that will help you overcome the fears of going for that first date again:

1. Make it a group date, that way you're not alone. If the date's bad, you have someone there with you in case you need to come up with an excuse to run.

2. Engage in phone conversations or at least emails before you meet for the first time. Get to know tihs person a little before rushing into a one-on-one date. This way, you already have things to talk about.

3. Keep the first date short and simple. You want to make things very casual, such as catching a movie or bowling and calling it an early night. 2-3 hours is enough time to feel sparks or not.

4. Make small talk. If you feel as if you're running out of things to talk about, ask your date about their favorite hobbies, brothers or sisters, pets, etc. Awkward silence is the absolute date from hell.

5. Most importantly, BE YOURSELF. You want to make sure your date likes you for you and not someone else. If you pretend to be someone your not for the sake of having a successful date, your 2nd or 3rd date will be an absolute bust.

What's the deal with dating games?

After addressing the concept of dating games in college, I decided to interview a female student about her perception of dating games. The following interview is with 22-year-old Towson University student, Jackie Cribbs.

1. In your opinion, what is the definition of "playing games" in dating/relationships?

Playing games in dating/relationships basically consists of saying or doing something to the other person to throw them off and get a desired reaction out of them. Usually, it's during the beginning of a relationship or if you are casually dating someone.


2. Why do you think people play games in dating/relationships?

I think many times people play games when they don't necessarily want to settle down with someone but they still want to have that person consistently in their life. Or, if they want to appear as if they have more going on in their life then that other person, and maybe they want the person to wonder where they are and what they are doing.

3. Would you say, generally, more guys or girls play games? Why?

I would say girls, only because girls tend to worry and over analyze things that a guy says or does. Many times, that results in playing games to get a guy to understand or react a way that a girl wants.

4. Can you give some examples of how girls play games with guys? Examples of how guys play games with girls?

I think girls play games with guys a lot when they don't feel like they are getting the attention that they need. Sometimes girls try to make guys jealous by flirting with another guy while making sure that their guy can see what is going on. Or many times, they wont answer phones/texts just to get a guy a little scared.
Guys tend to act like they don't care and play it cool to make a girl wonder. They almost play hard to get because they know girls are more interested in someone that they can't figure out versus someone that is all over them.

5. Do you think the concept of dating games increased when you got to college?

No, not really. I think the more mature you become the easier it is to communicate with a person or to not completely over analyze things they do. Therefore, two people don't have to play games to get what they want out of the other person.

7 Deadly Sins of Dating

Yvonne Fulbright

In the dating world, especially college dating, there are certain things you just don't do. Okay, to be fair (ladies), we all do them- but we wish there had been someone there to tell us not to. After reading the book "Sex with your EX" by Yvonne Fulbright, I came across the 7 biggest dating sins for all the world to see and avoid.

The 7 deadly dating sins represent 7 mistakes that women commonly make when in the start of a new relationship. Some of the problems seem like bigger problems now than they may have been before. I believe that the act of courting and dating has not fully gone away- we've just lost in touch of what it is.

1. Getting intimate too soon. The act of dating and courting leads up to getting intimate and this is why I believe getting intimate too soon is much more of a problem now than before. The emotional aspect may have been there before, but it didn't include all of the emotions that come with having sex so early in dating. The act of dating has become more sexual than before, where before dating was about finding a soul mate.

2. Letting people in too fast. Don't rush into telling someone how you feel, it may end up kicking you in the butt.

3. Information overload. This is the hardest issue most women face. Don't constantly bother the guy you're interested in. This is going to make them run for the hills. Be subtle.

4. Spying. Trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Don't go through their e-mails, cell phone, text messages, etc. You'll lose them before you have them.

5. Faking interest or passion. Be real, be yourself.

6. Expecting them to be who you want them to be. You need to learn to accept people for who they are, love them for who they are. If you want them to change for YOU, you don't really want to be with them (and they won't want to be with you, either!)

7. Forgetting who you are. Don't ever strain away from your individuality. Stay true to yourself and your own personal needs. If you forget this important quality, the relationship will never work in the long-run.

Game playing is for kids- Not relationships

Last night, I was up late talking to my roommate about her guy problems. Very late. She's been seeing this guy on and off for a few months where they'll hang out once and then she won't hear from him for weeks. Every time they spend time together, she thinks it will be different this time because her feelings grow stronger and stronger. Yet, he never answers her calls or text messages for a couple of weeks. While listening to her situation, it occurred to me, no matter how old we get, people never stop playing dating games.

Looking back in retrospect, when I was in high school, the idea of "playing games" while in a relationship was basically considered a school sport. Everyone knew about the game and the rules of the game- they were just different for each sex. Trying to figure out how the person of the opposite sex was playing the game was part of the fun. I thought by college relationships would have matured and people would have grown up. Well, maybe not.

I've found that not only do people still play dating games in college- it's gotten even worse than high school. Because now, people aren't just playing games while in relationships, they're playing games with those people they consider a "friend with benefits" or someone they're just hooking up with from time to time. The game has gotten more complex than ever before and the rules, well, that's a whole different ball-game.

Downfalls of friends with benefits

It's supposed to be the ultimate easy relationship- someone you already know, trust and have fun with...and now you get to make out too? Sounds perfect, doesn't it? Maybe in a make-believe world where there were no such things as feelings. Friends with benefits have the same worry of one partner becoming more attached than the other. The ambiguous nature of the relationship also decreases openness and coincides with a lack of passion and commitment. Sounds to me like "relationships without all the good stuff" would be a better name for it.

In my four years in college, I've never seen a friends with benefits relationship turn grey. Though many college students don't see it this way, I firmly believe that this is an extremely complicated relationship where at least one person wants more from the relationship. What's good for one person isn't necessarily always good for the other, even though they might think it is in the beginning. Someone always catches feelings.

Furthermore, if you are currently friends with this person and decide to take it to the next level, just for fun, having casual sex most likely will ruin your friendship permanently. Now you've lost a good friend in addition to being rejected by a person you've fallen for.

Seriously...what is so great about this so-called "perfect" agreement that always ends in nothing but tears?